Casa de Chaos

Posts tagged serenity now

The good thing about having both a baby and a two year old is that when the toddler is acting like an insane demon from hell and throwing a 55 minute-long tantrum (not an exaggeration) over, I don’t know, I guess he was throwing a tantrum about waking up from his nap? Maybe something about not being able to eat all of the cookies?  I don’t know. The point is, the good thing about having a baby in your house is that while this screaming banshee of a two year old is freaking out so intensely that you feel the desire to scream, pull out your hair, pull out the toddler’s hair, Drink All The Wine and cry, you can instead scoop up your precious cuddle-bug of a baby, go into your bedroom, shut the door a little, lay down on the bed with the baby and just breathe him in.

Maybe prop the baby up on your belly against your knees so he makes that funny grin and does his little alley cat howl. Eat his toes for a minute, maybe blow some raspberries on his fat little belly and make him giggle. Cuddle him close, maybe let him nurse for a minute. Close your eyes, rub your nose on his head, fantasize about being by yourself in a fancy hotel room with a big comfy bed and a gigantic bath tub and room service that’s about to deliver you a cheeseburger and a margarita. Feel your stress levels decrease a little, take some deep breaths. Blow one more raspberry on the baby’s belly.

Pick up the baby, go back out into the living room and put him down on a blanket. Take a deep breath, put an understanding smile on your face and go back into your toddler’s room. Put the toddler on your lap, hold him close, try to help him find a way back to sanity. Remain calm, patient, understanding. Be grateful that only one of your children is currently capable of being a pain in the neck. Try not to think too much about what it might be like in two years when both of them will be capable of tantrums.

I’m in the boys’ room changing Zachary when Milo walks up to me. “Lotsa water, mommy,” he tells me. “What do you mean, lots of water? You need a drink?” I ask him. Milo just looks at me and repeats himself. “Looooootsa water,” he says airily as he walks out of the room. I probably should have been more alarmed, but honestly, that child talks so much that I just kind of only half-listen sometimes, especially when I haven’t head a loud crash or an “UH OH” coming from the next room.

Of course, what he meant by “lotsa water” was that while I was in the other room for two minutes, he’d somehow unscrewed the top of my very full water bottle and dumped it all over the coffee table and the rug. My cell phone and kindle were taking a nice lazy swim down the gently flowing creek on the table, while the rug was a saturated marshland of water and smashed, soggy goldfish crackers. I looked at him. He pointed to the table. “Lotsa water,” he repeats.

Preschool cannot come fast enough.

Thank you so much to everyone who wrote me or commented on my big post last week. I wrote it late one night when Matt was out at a work event, and it had been a very long couple of days. I hesitated before posting it because I was a little concerned that people would read it and be like, LOL what did you think it was going to be like with a newborn and a two year old you big dummy, stop feeling sorry for yourself already. 

Instead, I basically got a big ol’ internet hug. Some of you offered “been there, done that, it’ll get better” encouragement (and please, if you’ve survived a similar experience and feel like sharing, I’m always up for hearing more), some offered commiseration, and a few of you gently asked if I might be suffering from a little PPD. I’ve been wondering if how I’m feeling lately qualifies as PPD or if I’m just normally stressed out. I’m inclined to go with the latter for now, but I’m keeping an eye on the situation.

It’s true that I’m in the middle of a pretty challenging period of parenting. It’s true that there are days when I indulge in a good cry during that twenty or thirty minute period when their naps overlap. However, I’m working on keeping it all in perspective. For example, yes, things can be tough BUT hey, at least I don’t have to mind the children *and* weave a shit ton of homespun so I can sew all their clothes *and* make my own soap *and* cook on a wood cookstove, all while my husband is off fighting the British. At least I’m not raising two kids in the 1770s, amirite?

I’m grateful for all the good things in my life right now. I’m always, always grateful for my wonderful husband, who cooks and cleans and compliments me even when I haven’t showered in three days and gets up at the crack of dawn every day with Milo so he can spend 2 hours with him before he goes to work. I’m grateful that Zachary doesn’t have colic. I’m grateful that he is a pretty good sleeper. I’m grateful that, despite me constantly fussing/yelling at him, Milo still loves me enough that a mommy kiss on every boo boo is enough to make it better instantly.

And I’m very, very grateful that Milo starts preschool in about 3.5 weeks. It’s only twice a week and it’s only for 3 hours each day, but I think that it’ll help give us all a little breathing space.

Poor Zachary! He could definitely use a little personal space, I think.

I don’t want to jinx it or anything, and maybe it’s just a fluke, BUT we bought a baby swing off of our neighborhood listserv last night and Zachary is napping in it! I put him in it, turned on the action, and he….didn’t cry. He sat there silently for a while, then fell asleep. THIS IS MAJOR. Please let this be a sign of better times to come.